And yes, I mean a child.
I am indeed pregnant with my second.
And it was the biggest surprise of my life to date.
I have already noticed some real differences between my first pregnancy and my second.
First of all the last one was planned.
And boy was it planned... I counted days, tracted my period and ovulation cycle, I knew the exact days that I could get pregnant and I did. Simple as that. I also knew exactly when the first date of my last period was (because EVERYONE asks you that when you are pregnant) and I knew exactly when the next one would show up (I am one of those "like clockwork" kind of people). So when that day came and no period, I knew I was pregnant.
This time was not planned.
I had NO idea when the first day of my last period was or any day of my last period for that matter. So I had no idea when the next one would come, but I did have this funny feeling that I had missed it.
Last time I took the pregancy test before my husband got home. My eyes filled with happy tears and I paced the room completely thrilled that I was going to be a mommy! I met my husband at the door when he arrived with tears of joy streaming down my face. We laughed and cried and we were SO excited. Then we went out to dinner at Cheesecake factory where I ate my favorite spicy pasta dish and cheesecake for dessert.
This time my husband was going to the store to get me sprite as I had spent the whole night puking and asked if he should pick up a pregnancy test. "Sure" I thought, but there was NO WAY I was pregnant. A half an hour later my husband, our little boy and I all crowded into our little bathroom to look at the test and my jaw dropped open in shock. There were TWO pink lines. Tears of... joy?... well, tears any way, once again streamed down my face as my husband attempted to hug me and my child danced around my legs.That night I ate saltines for dinner.
Last time I was obsessed with this little person growing inside of me. I read books, I signed up for this thing online that told you exactly what developments your baby is going through everyday. I was so excited for when I would feel the first kick and was just generally amazed with the entire process. I thought about my baby ALL the time. I started a list of names from the moment we decided to get pregnant. I spent my days imagining what this little person would be like and I found myself holding my nonexistant stomache (like an extremely pregnant women) pretending I had something there.
This time... well I just don't have the time. Sometimes I don't even remember that I am pregnant until my stomache suddenly drops because I need to eat and I feel sick. Or my little boy will take a flying leap at my and land halfway on my stomache and I think hmm... that probably not so good for the baby. Or at the end of the day when my back is killing me and I am EXHAUSTED! which brings me to my next point.
Last time I remember being tired by the end of the day.
This time I am dead on my feet exhausted by about noon.
Last time I had a little truely morning sickness. I needed to get up and eat something substantial in the mornings and I felt ok until lunch and after that I felt great.
This time I want to kill whoever coined the phase "Morning Sickness" because it is not. It is all day and sometimes all night sickness. I feel gross the majority of the time and indegestion is my constant companion.
SO all in all having a second is so far not easy. I always thought that life would get easy or slow down before I would contemplate adding another to the bunch. That I would look at my life and say "Yeah I could totally see how another kid would fit right in." But I hadn't gotten there yet. I kept waiting for it to get easier and it wasn't happening. Going shopping was still RIDICULOUS and I still had days where my little man drove me crazy and I just couldn't see how I could have another baby on top of all of that.
But right before I found out I was pregnant, I was driving in my car and my little guy was actually quiet in his sit for two seconds. And I was thinking about something my sister-in-law told me. She said that the reason they decided to start trying for a second was because they wanted a friend for their daughter, someone for her to play with. And I thought I could relate to that. My little guy LOVES other kids. And I could see how he needed a friend. So I thought maybe it's not about waiting until your ready but maybe it's about doing it again for your kid.
I have tried to imagine juggling two kids before and it hasn't been pretty. But all of a sudden, in my car, this image came into my mind of myself holding a baby, sitting on the floor at our house playing with my two kids. It was short but it was peaceful. And in that moment I could see how it would work out. I could see how great it would be. I have heard people say before that they felt that there was a baby waiting to join their family. And I never understood how you could know that. But as the image of myself with my two babies flooded my mind a feeling that I have never felt before filled my heart, and I knew that that baby was anxiously waiting to join our family. And in that moment it didn't matter how hard it was all going to be... I wanted that baby so badly.
Three days later I found out I was pregnant.
