On why I blog...

When last I blogged I was adjusting to life with two kids. Life was not perfect but it was good. I had this sweet happy little baby who made my heart melt with each little coo. He was so content and mellow, completely opposite of my first active little guy. Which speaking of my first, he too had mellowed out considerably once his last teeth came in, and he entered a very fun age where activities could be completed and not just chewed on. We were adjusting, I wasn't sleeping through the night but aside from that I was loving life with my little guys. Summer came and I compiled a list of 50+ things I wanted to do ranging from trips to the zoo, to making ice cream, to taking nature walks. All in the name of enjoying summertime. But life has a way of keeping you on your toes. The moment that you think you have things under control... things suddenly change. For me the change came with the appearance of two little pink lines. I was pregnant... again. With my baby being only 6 months old, this was a complete shock. It should not have been possible and yet it was. I was not handling things well. I was just getting used to having two kids, I was not ready for this. I was scared, confused, frustrated, and feeling terribly guilty. I knew it would be very stressful being pregnant with two kids (then two and under) not to mention having three kids so very close together. I was already exhausted by the end of the day, already feeling stretched thin between these two children vying for attention and now I was going to be adding a baby on top of it all. I could not see how I was going to be able to do it all, and why I was being asked to do it in the first place. One day I was looking at a friends blog, I knew she had kids pretty close together and I was trying to psych myself up, trying to prove to myself that it was possible. I happened upon a post that she wrote about how she got pregnant with her third child. It sounded amazingly familiar, failed birth control, utter shock and three kids very close together. She talked about how hard it was for her when she found out, how she struggled with the news and how she got through it. As I read I felt amazingly close to this women that I know better from her blog than in person. I felt more calm than I had in months, as I read how she had come to the conclusion that she felt that her child coming to there family was an act of God, that the only way to explain why it happened despite their efforts to prevent it was that it was in Gods hands. As I read I knew that this was the exact situation I now found myself in. It was out of my hands, it was something that I was being called to do rather than something I was going to get a choice in. In return I got to have the opportunity to have faith that it would all work out. A few weeks after reading her blog I went back to write a comment, to tell her how much her words had helped me through a hard time. But when I went through her blog the post was gone. Lately I have been thinking about this a lot, I stopped blogging for a while because I didn't really know why I was doing it. People blog for different reasons they share their talents, a glimpse into their families, and sometimes for business purposes. I wasn't really doing any of those things on this blog. I was just writing the random sometimes comical happenings of family. But after this experience I know now why I blog. To let you know that they are not alone. Life is hard, and it's even worse when you feel like you are the only one. Just knowing that someone else has been there and gotten through it sometimes makes all the difference.

on looking through the eyes of my two year old...

Cubs is two...

 Technically he has only been two for the last 4 months. But he has been acting "TWO" for the last year...

 The terrible two are exactly as they sound... TERRIBLE.

And although I have paid my dues for a year, technically I still have 8 more months until he is three, so that means 8 MORE MONTHS of the twos!

Recently we have reached a new stage of the twos.

The days of screaming hysterically at the drop of a hat for no reason at all have pretty much stopped. This is partially due to the fact that before he could not tell you what he wanted so he would just lose it. Now he knows what he wants and is able to ask for it. Of course when what he is asking for is to run around the house with a permanent ink pen or eat an entire plate of cookies and you answer "NO", it still elicits the same response but at least now you have a warning.

Still life with this little guy can sure be frustrating. I am amazed at how many times I say NO in the course of my day. And how I can tell him something 4,357,968,467 times and yet he acts like it is brand new information every time. Things like "don't dump an entire glass of juice on the floor" or "you only take ONE piece of sacrament bread". Which directly translates into a sticky child sitting on time out most everyday and me dragging a screaming child out of church with his mouth stuffed with half of the tray of bread every Sunday.

My mom had some words of wisdom for me, probably from dealing with those crazy brothers of mine. She said that you have to look at things the way he does, through the eyes of a two year old. For example to him the impressive wave caused by dumping a glass full of juice on the floor and the added bonus of then being able to splash in the contents would be pretty cool if you were two and not worried about cleaning up the mess but rather living in the moment. Or when you see that tray pass by overflowing with bread, one piece of bread would be good, but a whole handful would be better! In a way it does kind of make sense. And although they know full well that mom said NO sometimes curiosity just gets the better of them

The other day my mom and I were walking through Target. Squish was sleeping peacefully in the car seat perched in the front of the cart and Cubs was playing with our assorted purchases in the back. When we passed by two children who had successfully finagled their way out of their respective carts and had now taken to racing up and down the isle. Cubs observed them for a moment and then swung one leg over the edge of the cart and announced that he wanted to get out. I attempted to convince him of the benefits of being trapped in the cart by using flowery language such as FUN and WOW!

 Then finally as distraction was clearly not working I asked the question "now why would you want to get out?" in the hopes that the answer would be "you know mom... I don't know. You make a lot of sense. Lets move on." It was a stupid question and the answer was simply "run." Because you see a two year old does not find great joy in shopping. Being stuck in a cart with nothing but a bottle of shampoo and some paper towel to play with while you mother compares prices of cleaning detergents is not actually very exciting. However, running up and down the isles narrowly dodging stacks of glass platters and nearly giving your mother a heart attack, sounds like good fun.

So I have decided to try and see things as my two year old does. Realize that he finds great joy and excitement in discovering things even though it makes my head hurt. And that I am now no longer able to go shopping with my children, I can go buying but not shopping. Meaning that when I enter the store I need to have a clear plan, get in grab a few things and get out quickly.

on an introduction...

Now that there are two little boys in my life I am realizing that blogging without using there names will get very confusing. So I will be using nicknames...

Meet Squish the newest member of our family...

and yes I really call him that.

Take one look and those cheeks and tell me that nickname doesn't fit.

A nickname for our first child is a little harder

Crazy ball of endless energy is kind of a long nickname...

So we'll have to go with an old one... cub or cubs or cubby. He earned this for not crawling on his knees like a normal child but rather doing the most amazing bear crawl I have ever seen...

And those are my boys.

on having a second...

Yep, we're talking child once again. Now if you have been with me from the beginning you will remember our first two chapters on having a second...

when I was considering it found here 

and when I was surprised by finding out that I was pregnant found here

Well... here we are on the other side.

I have two children. Crazy! and yet not as ridiculous as I had imagined.

When I was pregnant and freaking out at the idea of having two children a friend of mine told me not to worry that in her experience (she just had her second last April) things just sort of work themselves out. And amazingly enough I have found that is exactly what happens. That is not to say that life around here is easy or that our first is just fine sharing his parents attention but it is not at all how I thought it would be. Sure we still have temper tantrums and the terrible twos are still in full swing around here. There are many times when our first little boy will see me feeding the baby, pick up his glass which is filled to the brim with apple juice (note to self- stop filling his cup so full) and while looking right at me with a slightly defiant expression turn the glass over causing a rather spectacular wave of juice across our kitchen floor.

Jealous... um yes.

But then again there are those times when he is so sweet and you can see how much he already loves his little brother. He loves to kiss him and try and hold his hand. He is very concerned when the baby cries and runs to him to see what's wrong. When I tell him that the baby is hungry he goes and gets him a box of crackers which is sweet and funny at the same time. As observant as our little man is (ex. my hubby was playing with him one day and suddenly he started getting nervous and was pointing to his dad's hand saying Oh No. We looked down expecting to see a cut or bump... nothing. Finally on VERY close inspection we found the source of our child's worry was a tiny piece of dry skin by daddy's nail. Seriously the kid is a little ridiculous.) he still has not picked up on the rather obvious way that the baby eats, which is most certainly not out of a box.

And so we go on. Tackling one day and a time. In a strange way it is almost easier with two kids then with one. I think our little boy now has to be a little more independant because he now can't have our undivided attention anymore. Going out of the house is now a novelty so he is A LOT better. SO I think my friend was right there is no planning for another kid, but when the baby comes things just work out because they have to.

on nesting...

Last time around I did not nest. There was no need I had the baby's room ready like 3 months in advance our bags were packed early since my OB told us a month before my due date that it would be any day now since i was already dialating (to 1/2 an inch, I mean really I didn't know any better but she should have) so for the next month and a week at every appointment when she would say " I can't believe that your still here!" I felt completely justified in scowling at her and thinking mean thoughts. We were prepared for our first because I had nothing else to do all day long but sit around and prepare. Also i am not a cleaner, I never went into panic mode about the toilets not being cleaned when I brought my newborn baby home. He sure wasn't going to use the toilet so why did that matter? So I figured I would be a non-nester. Which was fine by me I didn't need to be scrambling around last minute vacumming the sofa cushions. I was happy to not have to freak out before having a baby.

But the other day I was at my OB's office and the week before she had checked me and nothing was happening, the nurse forgot that fact and got me ready to be checked again so my doctor did just for the heck of it and in a week's time I have dialated to a 2. With my first I entered the hospital when my water broke dialated to a 3.  This means that in all likelyhood this child will come sooner rather than later.

I went to target afterwards to grab some essentials before going to get my child from my mom's and suddenly it hit me, the need to nest. It was a little different thatn I expected, I still had no need to rush home and clean every surface in my house (much to my husband's dismay). But rather I had the need to grab every baby item in site and buy it. I stiffled the urge to empty the diaper isle of all of it's contents and instead circled aimlessly through the baby isles making a mental list of everything I needed to buy and do immediately to prepare for this child.

I thought of the clothes and blankets that had yet to be washed, where was I going to change the child, the changing pad is still in my first child's room, why did I have another child before the first was potty trained, should I buy another changing table?, does any home really need two changing tables? do I have enough diapers for baby #2 and 1, when was I going to be able to get to the store again? Should I stalk up on all diaper sizes just in case? And back to the diaper isle I went to contemplate this question and again resist the urge to purchase every diaper available as I did not know where I would put them all in our house. I needed to know how many outfits in each size I have for this little guy. What if he doesn't have enough clothes? Should I buy more? What sizes does he need? Should I buy them all just in case? We never got him a coming home outfit! How sad is that?! We have nothing special that is just his to bring him home in! And thus my mental and emotional breakdown began in the middle of target.

I thought my brain was going to explode from the mass of emotions and thoughts that flooded in in that instant. So I did what any women would do. I swung by the half off Christmas candy and picked up a bag of assorted chocolate candy that I proceeded to devore on my way home. Chocolate had an amazing power to soothe in a moment of crisis. I went home laundered every article of clothing in sight, counted diapers, made lists, and organized my life. I have become a mommy possesed with the need to clean and organize, but only baby items (again much to my husbands dismay.)

And so begins my time as a nester.

on things you should know about me....

My friend Ashley is having a link party all about the random things you didn't know about your friends. SO here we go...

 I LOVE coloring with crayons and playing with play dough, I am really 3 years old at heart. In fact to this day every time I see one of those boxes of 120 crayons I want to buy one for myself.

I had gallbladder surgery when my baby was 2 months old and it was the most physically painful experience of my life and yes, worse than birthing a baby a mere 2 months before.

 I like eating corn with my pasta, and not just when I am pregnant, this is something that my husband finds disgusting.

 I am the only girl in my immediate family so I one of my favorite things is getting together with my cousins. We all cram into the kitchen and it's loud and crazy and we usually get very silly.

I can't open my eyes under water, it creeps me out.

I love running around barefoot, and if it were up to me I would never wear shoes again.

 I do dumb things and accidentally hurt myself. I have sprained my thumb by telling a story and pretending to punch someone and actually accidentally punching a door. I broke my wrist jumping out of a tree. I have sprained my wrist jumping through a window between our living room and den the day we closed on our new house because I was so excited ( and yeah I was 25 at the time). And I sprained my ankle by standing on a chair to kill a spider and accidentally stepping off the edge.

Growing up I was scared to death of all the big rides at Disneyland. My mom would promise me anything in the park if I would go on Splash Mountain once and I refused. I didn't get over my fear of fast rides until I was like 14 and my cousins took me to Magic Mountain, my first roller coaster ever was Goliath, I thought I was going to die on that ride but in the end it cured me.

When I was younger I wanted dark brown, thick curly hair. Luckily I never went through with that plan and to this day I have never colored my hair.

My husband was my first kiss, in fact he is the only guy I have ever kissed.

When I was pregnant with my first child I kicked a whole in our apartment wall with my barefoot because I got mad at my mixer. Now lest you think I am also a ridiculously strong pregnant women you should know that that apartment was built when the earth was created so the walls were pretty thin, but still. There have not been any casualties so far this pregnancy.

I am directionally challenged. I can't tell you which way is North or South and I need a play by play of directions to get any where new.

I have only had one very best friend, she was more of a sister than a best friend really. Her name was Allie, and I rarely talk about her.

I love when my child naps but I often get very bored and find myself refreshing my facebook home page over and over hoping that someone will post something interesting that they are doing so I can live through them for a moment.

on loving it...

So last night my husband and I went out on a date. We are both sick but seriously needed some alone time after a long holiday week in which our child freaked out at both of the family parties that we attended. As in full blown temper tantrums every few minutes for a solid hour.

 My cousin suggested that he might be overstimulated and just not able to handle it. Which I think is exactly right. There were A LOT of people at both parties, like 25-30 and a lot of kids running around. So I do think it was just too much for my very active child who wants to be a part of everything to handle. But it's the holidays and families get together in large groups, there is really nothing that we can do about that so all in all my husband and I were very frustrated by our child's behavior and extremely embarrassed that the other parents could keep there 2-4 children under control and while our one child was melting into a pile of mush everytime someone said hello to him.

Especially since as soon as we got him home he turned into this totally different child. He was suddenly all loving and wanted to be held and sit quietly or play by himself and all traces of the flailing, screaming, hysterical child were gone. So while we understand that he has issues with large groups of people, what are we supposed to do about it? Especially since this is only the beginning of the holidays and there are MANY more parties that we will be attending, which frankly makes us wish that Christmas was over.

Plus the night before we had attempted the mall with the child and finally gave up after the boy protested LOUDLY to our every attempt at shopping. We even tried to bribe him with a chocolate chip cookie (and yes I am THAT mother who has resorted to bribes to get some peace in the store, dum dum lollipops are my best friend at the moment), but instead he decided to chew the cookie until it was the consistancy of glue and then smear all over his father's khaki sweatshirt (it should be fun getting that stain out). What child won't sit nicely in a stroller and eat a cookie? I will tell you... it's my kid.

So basically we needed a break.

As we were driving we started talking about the new baby and our hopes that he will be calm and easy going. I have hopes that he will be as he it is a lot easier to share my body with him than with our first. I am now 6 weeks away from my due date (Crazy I know!) and I can probably count on one hand the number of times that he has kicked me hard. This child is more into floating and wiggling he doesn't attempt to break free from the confinds of my stomache like my first did. So I was telling my husband that I am taking this as a good sign that he will be a calm little boy. To which my husband replied "Come what may."  It was his way of telling me not to get my hopes up and that we would deal with whatever came our way.

This reminded me of a talk from conference that I loved but the title was not just "Come what may" it was "Come what may and love it." And that's something that I need to work on. I sometimes get so caught up in how difficult my little boy is and I find myself wishing for him to grow out of it or getting frusturated and upset when he makes shopping trips, parties or my day hard. And I am not very good at loving it.  I think we all do this, we think "well... come what may." Like it's a bad thing, and we are annoyed at what life hands us. And we forget to love it. We concentrate so much on the negative side of any situation, and we focus on enduring it and not enjoying it.

I have a very active child. This is not something new. He is not one to sit quietly and watch life go by. He wants to get out and experience it, and enjoy it. And I need to be more like him. I need to just enjoy it. To not get worried when things don't go how I would like, or hung up on all the things that I have to do. I also need to remember that my little boy is 2, and shopping is not at all interesting when you are 2 but unraveling an entire roll of toilet paper apparently is. He is such a smart little guy and he understands so much that I often think that he is older than he is and expect him to act older too. Which isn't fair to him at all. He's just a little boy and I need to take more time let him be a little boy and enjoy that fact.