on my weekend away...

My husband and I just got back from a weekend away from our child. The first time we spent a night away was about 5 months ago and it was a little traumatic for me. But this time way so nice. 

I love my child. He is everything to me. The sheer fact that I deal on a day to day basis with the temper tantrums and terrible two issues is living proof of that. I would do anything for my child. And admitting that I need time away from him or that I enjoyed myself immensely without him does not change that.

Sometimes I feel like all I am is a mother. That is all I do all day long and sometimes well into the night. Slowly things that you used to enjoy get replaced by diapers and bedtimes and laundry. My husband mentioned the other day that I no longer greet him when he comes home from work at the door with a kiss, and you know what he is absolutely right. At 6 o'clock when he gets home I am in the middle of making dinner while attempting to not trip over the child attached to my leg. I usually use "Look Daddy is home!" as away to pawn off the child onto him so I can have a moment of peace. But that is motherhood. It is what we all signed up for, and I love it, most of the time.

I never wanted my husband and I to become "those parents" who lose themselves in their children. You know the ones that every sitcom has done an episode on where the parents go to dinner or away for the weekend and they have nothing to say to each other so they keep repeating the same things over and over about their kids or how they like the lemon in their water or some other mundane thing.

 But I am happy to say that the weekend away proved that we are not "those parents". We laughed and talked about all kinds of things and really enjoyed being together. It was so nice and I highly recommend it to every parent. It was great to be just the two of us again. To remember how it was when we could be spontaneous and stay up all night if we wanted to. To reinforce that he was exactly the right guy for me to take on this crazy adventure with and that I am as in love with him now as I ever have been, and just because life gets in the way sometimes and raising a child can be stressful, at the end of the day there is no one that I would rather be taking this journey with than him.

(Another great thing about getting away is how much more your family appreciates you. Both my husband and my mother have had the opportunity to be me for a weekend and both have said how happy they are that I came back, how they don't know how I do it all and how exhausting my job is. And since I have been home my child has been attacking me with hugs and kisses. It is nice to be appreciated!)

on mothering the sick...

Warning: This post contains some details of the sicknesses going around my house. Read at your own risk.

I had a conversation about a year ago with my sister-in-law who doesn't have children yet and she asked me if I ever gagged while changing my baby's diaper or caring for him while he was sick. At the time I honestly answered No. She seemed worried and wanted to know how I dealt with the more disgusting aspects of motherhood.  At the time I didn't know how to answer her. I have taken care of so many babies in my life that a messy diaper doesn't phase me at all and when I see a kid start to gag (even one that is not my own) by instinct I put out my hand to catch it. So I wasn't much help because it has never bothered me. 

However in the last two weeks, two separate events have made me reconsidered the question.

The first event occured two fridays ago when my child had a random rancid diaper. Sometimes these things happen so I didn't think much of it and put the child in the bath (it was THAT kind of diaper). All was going well, I went to grab his towel, turned back to my child and he looked up at me and said "diaper change." Let me translate... this is what my child says when he needs to have a messy diaper changed, so he was telling me that he had just gone to the bathroom and would like me to change his nonexistent diaper. He has NEVER had an accident before in the tub and of course it was a stomach virus, nasty mess.

The second happened two days ago as I was heading off for a girls weekend. I got all dressed up and I was going to drop my child off at my husbands work and then meet the girls at my mother-in-laws house so we could all drive down together. On the way to my husbands office, since I was a little early, I decided to stop at the grocery store to pick up some granola bars as it is always good to keep snacks on hand when you are pregnant. I picked out the bars and stood in line. Then I looked down at my unusually quiet child, who I was holding as he has been a little clingy, to see his little body heaving as he proceeded to throw up all over me.

In both events I understood what my sister-in-law had worried about as the sights and smells I was assaulted with combined with my not-so-iron-clad pregnant stomach. In both cases there was a moment that I thought I was going to lose it right there and then, and then my little boy looked up at me. And in his face I saw a mixture of fear and pain and the tears rising to his eyes as he saw the panic on my face and realized that something was wrong.

 And that changes everything, just like flipping a light switch, your mothering instincts and your need to comfort and protect your child first above all else kicks in. It trumps everything including the overwhelming need to get sick, and you do the only thing you can do, you ignore the smell, the fact that your clothes are very likely ruined, your previous plans and you wrap your arms around your little guy. You cradle him to your chest and find yourself whispering words of comfort in an amazingly calm and controlled voice and that's when you realize that you have made it to motherhood. Really there are no tricks of the trade, there is no way to prepare yourself for dealing with any of it. But there is also no reason to worry because the instinct to nurture is ingrained in women so when you are faced with crisis you just do what comes naturally.

on being difficult...

I am a difficult women to live with. The combination of being pregnant and taking care of an active almost 2 year old has made me difficult. My hormones and emotions are seriously out of wack which is a bad combo in general but add to that a handful of temper tantrums, sleeplessness, a sick little boy and having an achy tired body from carrying around said little boy who is 26ish pounds and you have the mess that is me. My poor husband has gotten his fair share of tearful phone calls and not so pleasant grunts of hello as he has walked through the door the last few days. But today I realized how difficult I have become.

Back up for a second...

Yesterday was a bad day. I may have accidentally given my child expired frozen go-gurt. Who knew those things expired so quickly even when they are in the freezer? And yes I am awaiting my mother-of-the-year trophy for that one. This also explains a lot to those of you who saw me and the puddle of mush that was my son yesterday. Anyways, bad day meant hysterically sobbing phone call to my husband.

Now back to today...

It has been good. Almost pleasant. The effects of said rancid go-gurt are mostly gone and I got a good night sleep. It is days like these that I am totally on board with this having another baby thing.

A few minutes a go I got a call from my husband. It went something like this...

Me: "Hello!" in a bright cheery voice

Hubby: "Hey..." in a cautious, but hopeful voice. "How are you doing?" (he seemed almost scared to ask)

Me: "great! we just hung around the house today, the baby was in a good mood."

Hubby: HUGE sigh of relief. "thats good"

And then I felt horrible. I have that guy sitting on pins and needles just waiting to see what kind of mood I am in.

Me: "you sounded scared to ask that."

Hubby: caution returning to his voice "yeah kind of..."

Me: laughing "yeah I guess I would be too."

Lessons that my husband has learned very well...

Never cross a pregnant women.

Apologize profusely when talking to a sobbing pregnant women even if you have no idea what she is saying.

Use caution when talking to a pregnant women until you have accessed her emotional and hormomal level.

Watch for mood swings they can appear mid conversation for no apparent reason.

I know that being pregnant is no picnic but I am in a good emotional and hormonal state at the moment to realize that it kind of sucks to be the guy too. So I am going to try and be less difficult, or at least realize when I am not making any sence and just let it go.